Valentine’s Day is Real Crap. Rubbish; to be Precise.

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Millions of unoriginal people will give and receive chocolates, flowers and diamonds for the elaborate courting ritual of Valentine's Day. Women will wear red or black lace lingerie and men will take them out for dinner at expensive restaurants with prix fixe specials for this day abbreviated as V-Day. Then these people will go home and have a boring, boring session of conventional sex.

If you're in a relationship, it is just another date to remember and present to worry about. Personally, I would prefer to make such gestures out of choice, rather than obligation. On Valentine's Day, people feel commercially contrived and cheesy.

It's bad if you're single, for obvious reasons. When you're single, Valentine's Day is an extended version of that scene in Bridget Jones' Diary where she's lying on the couch in flannel pajamas listening to "All By Myself" or “Fool Again,” and drinking wine, juice or water for that matter. Or that's what it feels like, anyway. Even if you think V-Day is stupid and generally ignore it, it forces you to reflect on your relationship status and probably feel bad about it.

Couples don't have it any better. I knew my last serious relationship was falling apart when my soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend gave me a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. I opened them and thought, "I could be anyone. This could be a present for anyone." Meanwhile, REAL couples will have smug "anti-Valentine's Day" things in which they ironically wear red and make their own artisanal chocolates at home.

While all this is going on, single people will feel kind of down all day and either stay at home and get drunk by themselves or get together with their other single friends while everyone assumes a false mien of cheerfulness about being single. It is absolutely phenomenal to be single by the way-so usikonde! Your time will come with a bang, believe me. Valentine's Day is the absolute fucking WORST.

As I am writing it is around two weeks to this V-Day and a friend of mine just told me he is rushing to the supermarket to buy rubbish (this is how I call Valentine flowers and chocolates) for his newly acquired girlfriend in college. I just thought inside me, “Justo you are just about to do crap.”

I suspect there are men reading this right now and being like, "What! Women love chocolates for Valentine's Day!" Guys, listen, you're thinking that because you've been brainwashed and you're probably wildly unimaginative. And that's why Valentine's Day sucks so hard: because it turns everyone into one type of boring person. If you're in a relationship, you have to act out this codified ritual, and if you're single, you do too. Single people are made to feel lonely, while people in relationships are made to feel pressure.

Not to get all cheesy and shit, but why do we need a holiday to celebrate the individual and special (oh my God, please let me not have just really written that) love that two people have for one another? Why would you want your relationship to be lumped in with millions of other peoples' relationships? Celebrate your anniversary, if you care about that kind of stuff.

But anyway, it is important to do something that's about you and your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/sex slave/whatever, not something that's about a trite idea of what relationships should be. All in all, the fact is I think we should all forget it.